You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
