Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
sarcasm needs its own font
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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