**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was CRYING into my vagina
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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