Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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