I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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