Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
