508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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