i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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