i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
