So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
