Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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