dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
