When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
