Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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