I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Found the puke drawer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
