mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
