dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
