i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
