tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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