I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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