I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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