i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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