No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
