He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
