Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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