she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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