when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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