Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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