I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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