Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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