Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
