apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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