I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
