Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
