I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
