One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
