Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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