I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
