do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
