Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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