My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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