and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and you said cock pushups were impossible
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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