If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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