I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
