I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
