last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
where are my pants?
in the oven.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
