I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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