i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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