i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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