i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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