The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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