I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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