You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
