You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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