There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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