I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
