I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
