I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
