If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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