please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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