WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
