the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
