lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
