what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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