Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
