today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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