Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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