i think i have herpe
just one?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
