your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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