So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
