I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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