They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
