you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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