I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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