Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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