I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
