just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
