It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
