good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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