im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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