we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
