I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
