I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
