I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
