Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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