I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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