He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
