She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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