Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
