I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
