'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
